I’m trying this Daily Prompt thing. This week it’s “Pretend.” This is apt, because for the last two months I’ve felt like I’m pretending to live with a normal family that doesn’t constantly undermine, insult, and scream at one another. At first, I was really freaked out and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. About two weeks ago, I accepted that it wasn’t going to, that it’s possible for families to get along and love each other, and it’s really, really nice. The wonderful thing is that it’s not pretend – it’s my real life now. I’m extremely grateful for this. Sometimes when you get married, you get a wonderful spouse and tolerable extended family. In my case, I got a phenomenal spouse and an amazing family to boot. They have – at least as far as I can tell – completely accepted and loved me as if I was their own. Wow. I’m living my own little American dream.
The other thing I’ve been pretending – and apparently this is also a realty – is that I’m good at my job. I finally accepted this week that if this is an illusion of mine, it’s a reality for others, and in that sense, it’s totally true. (Secretly, I’ve been getting used to the idea that it might be true, and it’s nice to not feel insecure 100% of the time. Try it!)
When I was living in New York making performance art, I never dreamed I’d find anything fulfilling that was also stable – a relationship, a job, a home, a hair color. I’m not trying to brag. I’m trying to live in the moment, and right now the moment is GOOD. True, I haven’t created a big work of art with other people in a couple years. True, I haven’t found a choir to sing with yet. And true, I don’t have a lot of my friends in my new city yet. But I’m getting close to that last one.